Waxing philosophical

Hmm, I wonder how many double-entendre titles I can come up with about waxing?

I went to see my Wise Waxer yesterday in preparation for one last trip to the beach with my cousin today. I probably won't be seeing her again until waxing season resumes in the spring, so I had to soak up every last bit of her wisdom while I could (I would totally pay the $35 waxing fee for it, even if she neglected to remove any hairs).

I talked to her a bit about my breakups, telling her two-minute versions of both my La Moustache and l'Artista relationships. Then I mentioned my upcoming date that I'm uber-excited for, and reflected, "I think he's a good one. He isn't drop-dead gorgeous, which I think is a good sign."

She looked at me sagely and nodded her head slowly. "It can be a good thing when men are less attractive than women," she replied, "but you never know. I thought my first husband would never cheat on me. He was chubby and unattractive. But when I was 28 with two kids, a four-year-old and a two-month-old, he came home one day and told me he was leaving. I didn't see him again for a year." When she went out to buy diapers a few days later their joint bank account, consisting mainly of the earnings from stores she owned, had been closed. The stores were in her husband's name.

"You're making my breakup story sound like a walk in the park!" I cried, shocked. "That must have been horrible. How did you survive?"

"It was the best thing that ever happened to me," she answered. "I found out how strong I am. It gave me such a boost to my self-esteem -- after that I can do anything. I started my businesses up again. I was so resourceful. I had to raise my kids and I had to make money, so I just went on with my life."

A few months later, she met her second husband. "I didn't want anything to do with him," she explained. "He was so good-looking, he had this beautiful body. I told my brother (who had introduced them), 'What would I want with this guy? I date men who are ugly and have money. Get him away from me!' He told me okay, but he had a feeling he'd be good in bed." So she started dating him, telling him that she wanted nothing from him, didn't want to ever get married again, didn't want any money from him. He didn't want to marry either. Fourteen years later they finally got married, and they've been married ever since. "You just never know about a person," she said, "but don't trust them in the meantime. Men are selfish." She spit the last word out furiously, seconds after talking affectionately and tenderly about her husband.

So, I guess there are no generalizations to be made about good-looking versus not good-looking men. Some of both are good; some of both are bad. I think it can be nice when beautiful women date less attractive men, and the men dote on them. Unfortunately, not all unattractive men realize how lucky they are to have a beautiful woman.

From what I know so far it seems that Dreamy is a cute but not overly handsome good one. He did well on the five areas that my dating guru Li'l JC instructed me to take notes on:

1) Shoes -- I know I talk a lot about shoes, but in the end, the right guy can pull off any shoes. I think my opinions of people's shoes are really just a reflection of my thoughts about the person. It's all about being comfortable in your own shoes.
2) Manners -- impeccable. Paid for everything, walked me partway to the subway, texted me to tell me he had a good time and apologize for not walking me all the way to the subway.
3) Food -- he admits to being a terrible cook, but appreciates good food. That's cool with me. I've resigned myself to not finding another l'Artista.
4) Books -- I didn't ask what he read most recently, but we talked a bunch about Jonathan Kozol. He's read more Kozol books than I have, despite not being in the field of education. Pretty impressive.
5) Siblings -- he's the baby of the family, two older siblings. Seems to have a good relationship with both.

Let's hope he continues to do well.

Restraining myself

My first date with Dreamy is imminent; he is finally back in Boston, and we made plans to get together soon. We've been corresponding for close to a month, and I don't usually decide I'm going to marry someone before I meet them (just sometimes), so there are a lot of expectations.

I wanted our first date to be really fun. Then, I got inspired by this article about things to do in Boston, and I thought, what would be more adventurous and memorable than an afternoon of kayaking on the Charles? We're both starting new jobs on Monday, so we still have a few days free. It would be exciting and interesting, and would show him that I'm a fun person (though my description of puking 9 times into Miami's toilet after her bachelorette may have already demonstrated that, albeit in a different way).

I was ready to send an email proposing the idea, but thankfully, I stopped for a moment and thought very carefully about what it would actually be like, rather than my romantic vision of the two of us happily splashing around. I read the Community Boating website and realized that we'd get kicked off the river if we failed to wear life jackets (NOT flattering or romantic). I thought about my other attire, and realized that not only would I not be able to wear my American Apparel pencil skirt that I habitually wear on first dates, my feet would need to be ensconced in my child-size Keen water shoes rather than my Frye sandals. I'll give you a visual on that:

Keen water shoes -- ack! my pedicure is covered up!

Frye sandals -- ahh, much better.

Finally, I thought about how, when one kayaks, it looks like the lower half of one's body is a gigantic, brightly-colored piece of plastic. Kind of like a centaur, but half-plastic instead of half-horse. All together, it turns out that what I thought was an ingenious idea was in fact extremely foolhardy, possibly even worse than my Duck Tours debacle. Instead, I proposed a visit to a museum, followed by cocktails. It may not be as memorable as a kayak on the Charles, but that could be a good thing.