The Curse of the Prurient Children

It started when I was student teaching in the 5th grade during a field trip to Gettysburg, PA. The bus ride was 4 hours each way, and my class started playing Truth or Dare while their teacher and I sat innocently up front, reading our books and chatting. When we arrived in Gettysburg, a couple of kids told me that a particularly charismatic child who many of the girls had crushes on (I would have had a crush on him too if I had been in the 5th grade) had pulled down his pants and shown them his boxer shorts. I think he may have also put a few choice items down his pants, though the details are fuzzy now in my memory. I do remember being utterly shocked, which I would not now be. I didn't have the heart to tell their teacher the whole story, though I did report that the kids had been playing Truth or Dare.

When I taught 2nd grade at a private school the following year, the hanky-panky was of the lesbian variety. Girls would sneak off and kiss during roof time, our version of recess. They wrote romantic notes to each other, and told each other that they hoped to one day get married (if that were to one day be possible in New York State, which I sincerely hope comes to pass, even if I wasn't wild about the idea of my 2nd graders marrying each other).

Last year, teaching 1st grade at the School from Hell, I had a little boy in my class who, two weeks into the school year, wrote a note with a girl that read, “We want to have sex in the bed.” Again I was shocked, as much by the content as by the quality of the writing, which was far more impressive than anything else the two had ever written. I met with his mom to discuss the issue, and spoke many, many times to the guidance counselor and principal, who offered me many promises and no follow-through. The issue escalated, and he continued to behave in sexual ways and use sexual language with girls in the class. Eventually, this was how I lost my job and became, in essence, blacklisted by the New York City school department. (None of this is in writing; I should be able to teach in schools in the city, but when they try to hire me a Mysterious Evil Lawyer calls and forbids them to. The last time this happened the principal who wanted to hire me ended up in tears.) Essentially, the school wanted to push the problem under the rug, I refused to let that happen by reporting incidents over and over again until they were addressed, and in return for my concern I have been exiled.

Last weekend, my 6th graders had a fundraiser at their school to raise money for a trip they will take in the spring to the very land from which I have been exiled. They weren't interested in watching the movie they were showing, so they snuck off and, once again, began playing Truth or Dare, and Caitlin kissed Max. It was a peck, but it was on the lips, and I don't think Max had much say in the matter. He would never say so, but Caitlin essentially forced herself on him. I was glad that it occurred when the children were under their parents' supervision and not mine, but was still unhappy to be dealing with this issue again. I don't think any of the girls are seriously romantically interested in Max, but they certainly revel in having a male in their midst. When they sit on the couch, two girls sandwich him, and I constantly have to admonish them to keep their hands off him. He's basically their boy toy. We finally resolved this issue when Max and I had a serious talk about it, and decided that he would no longer join the girls on the couch. Now, he sits off to the side in a chair, pulled back a few feet as though he's afraid that if he gets any closer he'll get sucked onto the couch beside them and be manhandled again.

I am left wondering why this keeps happening to me. I'm certain that Godzilla, my principal at the School from Hell, would say that I am somehow encouraging this behavior, but I'm fairly sure that this is not the case. One thing I noticed when I began telling people of my saga of last year is that many, many teachers had experienced similar situations (not the lack of support and the blame, but the sexual behavior). In fact, a principal who I met up with several times to discuss my situation told me, “It happens more than you think. It really happens ALL THE TIME. The best thing you can do is report it right away and tell the parents immediately.” (This did not happen in my case. The parents were informed three weeks after the fact, even though I reported the incident in question within 20 minutes.)

I think I may have had a bit more exposure to this kind of problem than other teachers, but I also think that it is a simple fact of life that children are curious about sex. And, they have way more exposure to it than they should; a shockingly high percentage of children are sexually abused, and others see a lot that they shouldn't see. Pretending this is not the case is extremely unhelpful, and even dangerous to the health and well-being of children.

Speaking of exposure to sex, here's one of my students' favorite videos, Lil Miss Swaggar by Cymphonique, featuring kids who are about their age and even look a lot like my students. Just look at the way they move – they look like they're 30, not 13. Why would anyone think that is a good thing?