Sunday, March 11, 2012


I believe in apologies. A real, heartfelt apology feels damn good to receive. One of the best apologies I've ever gotten came from an ex-boyfriend who wasn't very nice to me in high school. Ten years later, he got in touch to apologize. It was a short apology, and at first I thought it was strange and superfluous, since I was so far past caring. But after sitting on it for a while, I started to really appreciate it. He really HADN'T been nice to me, and it was good of him to hold himself accountable for it all those years later and not just chalk it up to being young. It made me feel like he is a good guy who had a momentary slip in judgment.

But lots of apologies feel empty, à la Newt Gingrich. I think La Moustache must have apologized to me about a million times, but he never took any responsibility for what happened. It was all, "I'm sorry, but the timing just ended up this way," and "Look, I'm sorry. I just feel really depressed and need to try something different," and "I'm sorry, I wanted our relationship to work and it didn't." Even now, if he were to write me and acknowledge how shoddily he treated me and tell me how terrible he feels about it, I think it would change the way I feel toward him. Instead, I imagine that he does feel guilty, and that he's still making excuses inside his own head.

Similarly, Monkeyboy's "I'm sorry. Truly," has a glib, hollow ring to it. Maybe it's just a question of time needing to pass before I can take it in. But if he were to say, for instance, "It must be very confusing the way I acted toward you. I came on so strong and really led you on with my behavior, and now I really regret that," I think I would feel differently.

So, if anyone has any apologizing to do, get out there and do it! And be sure to give details about why you feel bad (details are key). Hmm, who do I need to apologize to?

No comments:

Post a Comment