Monday, June 7, 2010


Over the past few days I've done three things that I am feeling good about:

#1 – I joined a paid dating site ( after several fruitless months on a free site ( I like okcupid for a number of reasons, especially how great their blog is -- I give them lots of props for writing about racism on their site. But I feel ready to say goodbye to the men I've met on there and move on to greener pastures. I have high hopes that people will be a little more serious about dating on a paid site. So,

Goodbye, annoying men who I wrote to and never wrote back to me. I expected a 50% reply rate, more or less, but it was waaay lower – I would think that men would be excited to get an email from a smart girl who doesn't look like roadkill!

Goodbye, even more annoying men who replied once or twice and then stopped responding, even after I wrote on my profile that you shouldn't bother writing to me unless you're interested in going out with me.

Goodbye, ugly doctor who I thought was nice and could be my friend until he disappeared.

Goodbye, cute guy who bought me a lot of drinks and kissed me and then never called.

Goodbye, guy I met in real life who I wasn't into but went on two non-dates with.

Goodbye, New York guy I met at a party, flirted with, decided I wasn't into, then awkwardly and accidentally clicked on him the very next morning.

Goodbye, chubby guy who liked me a lot. Sorry it wasn't mutual.

Goodbye, Brazilian. All I can say is, oof. At age 30, you should really have learned to be a better communicator.

Hello, men on Match! Now, if only I can get Slinky to join so we can compare notes and look at each others' dates...

#2 – I did the first of two training sessions to become a Hospice volunteer. My Wise Woman is a Hospice social worker, and she encouraged me to do so and told me it is never too early to begin preparations for one's own demise (dark thought, I know). I learned all about the “cocoon of denial” last weekend, which is what people are in when they haven't accepted that they are dying. You can't force someone to come out of the cocoon – they're in it because they need its protection and aren't ready to come out – but they always do before the end. It's a handy concept that I envisage using in many non-death scenarios. For instance, kid says, “Ms. Heathen, I didn't hit Anthony! He's lying.” “Okay, Anthony will be waiting for you to write him an apology note whenever you're ready to come out of your cocoon of denial and admit that you made a mistake.”

#3 – I womaned up and asked out my handsome young co-worker, Babe in the Woods, who I've been flirting with on the playground for months. Well, “ask out” might be too strong a phrase; I certainly didn't say to him, “I like your sneakers. Do you want to go out with me?” as my friend Li'l JC suggested. But I did tell him in the course of a conversation about growlers that he is welcome to join me at the Harpoon Brewery for a tasting. I'll have to follow up next time with a repeated offer that I would love to fill up my growlers with him anytime.


  1. I'm just sayin'... If you had said "I like your sneakers. Do you want to go out with me?" you would have your answer right now.

  2. Great summary of life on OKC. And congrats for deciding you want something more and better. (Someday I'll get there myself.) Look forward to hearing if match is more fruitful.