Saturday, July 31, 2010

Seriously, Men??!

A few months ago, Slinky went on a disastrous date with a man who was full of himself and generally a jerk. Later, it came out that on top of these charming qualities he was also married, or used to be married, or may have been married -- the details were unclear. It also crossed my mind once or twice to wonder whether Le Canadien may have been in a relationship; there was no particular reason for me to think that, but it did occur to me. However, I pooh-poohed the notion because online dating -- especially in a small town like Boston -- is a small, small world. Sooner or later, you WILL see someone you know. They WILL tell your girlfriend, wife, or significant other. It's really not a question of if, but when.

Apparently, that's a risk some sleazy, foolhardy men are willing to take. This evening, the Cat Lady came over and regaled me and Slinky with a tale about a woman she met randomly who started talking about a new man she's dating who she met online. Gradually, as the Cat Lady listened to the details, the man began to sound familiar: it was the husband of an acquaintance of hers. Even worse, the man has OFFSPRING. There are many other sordid details -- the fake name he was using, the unprotected sex (way to bring an extra special gift home to your wife, jerk) -- but really, isn't that enough?

Wow. This opens up a whole new world of unsavory possibilities. How many men out there are doing this? Have I dated married men? How long are they able to get away with it? I think Slinky put it very nicely when we debriefed after the shocking revelation: "Isn't it amazing? They can't even be bothered to send a quick note to let you know that they're not interested, yet they go to such crazy lengths to sneak around, create double lives and cheat on their wives."

And on that depressing note, Persil and I are off on vacation. I won't be blogging for the next week or so; I'll be too busy doing this:


  1. You know what is worse than the married guy with offspring? The separated guy who is an emotional juvenile because his wife, not yet divorced, whom he still shares a home with because he's petrified of real change, is the ONLY woman he has ever been intimate with and thus he doesn't know how to be an adult... he only behaves as a love sick teenager or obnoxious defensive douche bag teenage boy. Oy, Brooklyn was such a pain in my arse. Read the archives of him in my blog. I think I would have rather dated an ACTUAL married guy, rather than a low self esteem, neurotic who was stuck in his adolescence.

    Do you really think Boston is small enough that you would bump into people? Find things out? People successfully have blatant affairs in smaller cities and towns all the time without getting caught.

    So much drama. Why can't it be easy? Enjoy your vacation.

  2. Boston is not only too small, it's terrifyingly chlaustrophobic at times. I bump into people that I recognize from dating sites, and I'm pretty sure that two of the men that I met online knew each other. Maybe it's that the singles population in Boston is small and scattered, and the internet is simply bridging the gap?

    Don't forget sunblock, Heathen!

  3. I think it is entirely possible to carry on an affair in Boston without getting caught, but I don't think it is possible if you put up photos of yourself and details about your life on the internet. I've seen any number of people I know online, and a couple of times have met someone in real life and then found them or they found me on the internet a few days later. If I were a sleazy man who wanted to have an affair with someone from the internet, I wouldn't put up photos and would then email people with photos attached to the emails. (Mental note: beware of men who do that.)

    Brooklyn sounded incredibly frustrating and disappointing (I already read all about him -- I feel like I know the man!). Mostly I'm just sick of all the men who are terrible at communicating and being honest. It's really pretty amazing how many of them there are. That said, I do still have hope that there are some good ones!