Thursday, July 1, 2010

Three hours and five minutes in the life of a single girl

On Tuesday afternoon at 4:56, I sent my friend Slinky a message to inform her that I had just discovered a new guy I was excited about on Match. He's from Maine, is well-traveled, liberal, wants to own a used bookstore, and good-looking; all the basic ingredients for a good boyfriend. I sent him a friendly note to say hi.

"When is the wedding going to be?" she asked.

"Very soon! I think I'm in love," I joked back.

At 5:42 PM, I had to disregard Slinky's instructions not to talk to her because she was busy at work. "Mayday! Mayday! I got a reply, and he wants to have drinks TONIGHT!"

With Slinky's help, I decided to accept, even though I was less than impressed with his message (he told me he wanted to get drinks because he was very bored). Half an hour later, though, I had not heard back. "I think I might need a divorce," I mournfully told Slinky.

I spent the next hour or so obsessively checking my email and talking to various friends about how weird and rude men are. By 8:00 I had given up all hope of ever hearing from my husband again, and was considering giving up on online dating forever.

At 8:01, a message finally popped into my inbox. Not from my ex-husband, but from a handsome lawyer I had emailed three days ago and already given up on hearing back from. "I think I found a new husband!" I told Slinky excitedly.

24 hours later, in keeping with my new philosophy of not putting up with rudeness, I emailed my first husband to tell him how rude he is, and that I am disappointed that someone from Maine would behave that way. Then I asked the handsome lawyer if he wants to get drinks. By now, I've completely forgotten about Husband #1, and am looking forward to a date with Husband #2 next week.

Ahh, the ups and downs of life as a single girl.

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